AI finally comes for your job (and your spreadsheet)

💼 AI Job Apocalypse: Now With Academic Backing

• New research confirms what your manager's been hinting at: AI might actually destroy more jobs than it creates. First time in decades technology said "nah, we're good on humans."

• Why it matters: The "AI will create new jobs" cope is officially dead. Time to learn prompt engineering or start that OnlyFans. (source)

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💰 Databricks Hits $100B Because Data is the New Oil (Apparently)

• Databricks just got a 61% valuation bump to over $100 billion in less than a year. That's more than most countries' GDP for... organizing spreadsheets really well.

• Why it matters: VCs are still throwing Monopoly money at anything with "AI" in the pitch deck. The bubble hasn't even started deflating yet. (source)

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🏦 SoftBank Drops $2B on Intel Like It's Lunch Money

• SoftBank's AI shopping spree continues with a casual $2 billion Intel investment. They're basically trying to own every layer of the AI stack from chips to ChatGPT.

• Why it matters: When the Vision Fund goes all-in, it's either genius or the most expensive mistake in tech history. No middle ground. (source)

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🛠️ Arm Decides to Compete With Its Own Customers

• Arm hired an Amazon AI exec and announced they're building their own chips now. That's like Microsoft deciding to make iPhones.

• Why it matters: Nothing says "trust us with your chip designs" like directly competing with Apple and Nvidia. This should go well. (source)

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🇨🇳 Nvidia Plays Export Control Limbo With New China Chip

• Nvidia's reportedly building the B30A chip specifically for China — more powerful than current models but still technically legal under U.S. restrictions.

• Why it matters: Watching Nvidia navigate export controls is like watching someone try to smuggle GPUs in a trench coat. Technically legal, morally questionable. (source)

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⚖️ Texas Investigates Meta for Turning Kids Into AI Therapists

• Texas AG is probing Meta and Character.AI for marketing chatbots as mental health support without, you know, actual medical training.

• Why it matters: "Have you tried talking to an AI about your depression?" is apparently a business model now. (source)

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🇮🇳 OpenAI Launches ChatGPT for $4.60 Because Geography is Pricing

• OpenAI's new "ChatGPT GO" costs $4.60 in India vs $23 everywhere else. Same AI, different zip code economics.

• Why it matters: Turns out AI democratization has a sliding scale based on your passport. (source)

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🛡️ Palo Alto Networks Gets Rich Selling AI Snake Oil (That Actually Works)

• Cybersecurity firm's stock jumped because their AI-powered security tools are actually making money instead of just burning it.

• Why it matters: Finally, an AI company that solves problems instead of creating them. Revolutionary concept. (source)

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🧠 New AI Agent Remembers Things Like a Functional Adult

• M3-Agent can see, hear, and remember experiences over time. Basically ChatGPT but with the memory of someone who doesn't have ADHD.

• Why it matters: AI agents that remember context could actually be useful instead of starting every conversation like they have amnesia. (source)

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🎭 Grok's Personality Prompts Leaked, Reveals "Unhinged Comedian" Mode

• xAI's internal prompts show how to make Grok act like an "Infowars-watching conspiracist" or "unhinged comedian." Quality control is apparently optional.

• Why it matters: Turns out AI personalities are just Mad Libs with more existential dread. (source)

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📊 Startup Puts AI Agents in Every Spreadsheet Cell Because Excel Wasn't Cursed Enough

• Paradigm lets you assign AI agents to spreadsheet columns that automatically crawl the internet for data. It's like having a very eager intern in every cell.

• Why it matters: Someone finally solved the "I need to Google 10,000 things" problem. RIP data entry jobs. (source)

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🎨 Qwen Drops Image Editor That Actually Doesn't Suck

• New AI can edit images semantically and fix text within pictures. Finally, you can make that meme template perfect.

• Why it matters: Professional image editing just got democratized. Graphic designers, start learning prompt engineering. (source)

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😴 AI Beds Raise $100M to Optimize Your Sleep (and Data)

• Eight Sleep's AI mattresses raised $100M by promising better sleep through temperature control and biometric stalking.

• Why it matters: Your bed now has more sensors than your phone. Privacy died in your sleep. (source)

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🕷️ Web Crawler Startup Raises $14.5M, Tries to Hire Actual AI Employee

• Firecrawl got funding for web crawling tools and posted a job listing for an AI agent with a real salary. HR is confused.

• Why it matters: We're one step closer to AI agents filing their own tax returns and complaining about office coffee. (source)

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Until the robots take over,
Team Galaxy.ai

P.S. If your spreadsheet starts talking back, that's either the new AI feature or you've been staring at Excel too long.

P.P.S. Remember when the biggest tech worry was whether your phone battery would last all day? Simpler times.